I’ve decided, I’m going to tell the world!

I am happy, I am proud and cannot wait to tell the world!

I’m getting engaged on 28th December 2013 and my wedding day will be nine months later – 27th September 2013!!!!

Oh my God!! Its my dream 🙂 

So, I will do countdown here in ‘Lepug’ till my big day, InsyaAllah. 

I hope this journey will be smooth and always in HIS blessings, JazzakAllah.


Toodles! xx


If and only if

If I got a chance, I would really want to be a student again. Rewind three  years back.
I admit I’m a little bit jealous to those who got a chance to continue their study full-time in UK. I know I should not but Ya Rabbi, I seriously cannot help it. Mainly because I miss UK tremendously and another thing is I miss how simple life is as a student in UK.
Sincerely, I don’t feel satisfied working and staying here back in my hometown. I want more than this! I just want to study! Full-time! And fully sponsored.
If and only if I can get a sponsor before, I would have stayed. Am a bit regret that I didn’t  apply though. 3 years for not going home makes me think wanna  go home straight away after graduation  and plus boyfriend was home too!
I should have think thoroughly eh? But it’s too late now.

Ya Allah, I’m complaining to much! I am sorry. I should be grateful. When I read back what I wrote above, I had this little teary at the corner of my eyes. MasyaAllah!
I am comparing myself to others. Qada’ & Qadar. Allah has planned everything good for you Maryam, InsyaAllah. Trust Him. Read the Quran, Maryam. InsyaAllah.

Toodles! Xx

I Wanna Go

Last night I had a nightmare in a nightmare. Yeah, like inception – nightmare.

I had this dream and in this dream I got a clear message saying that my man will die in a car crash on this date. Bam! I’m awake.
I was so terrified but I kept the vivid dream to myself. On that date, he was not with me and I’m feeling very nervous but still keep it to myself. I don’t know why but I tested him and he didn’t reply to me. Kept texting but no respond. I gave up. Later, I called him and he picked up and was sobbing.
“Baby, where are you? Why aren’t you picking up?”
“Baby, I’m sorry, I’m in the hospital.”
*heart throbbing, I begin to cry*
“I’m in Serindit Hospital.”
“Please hold on, I’m coming”
*I cried. But very calm.*
Went to see my mom asking where is the hospital and she said it’s in Mersing. I dont know why I didn’t even tell her. I still, keep it to myself.
Then asked my cousins who happen to go to Mersing that day for a lift.
Of course they were very happy along the road but me just bitter and very worried about him.
Tested him.
“Baby, hang in there yeah.”
“Baby, please can you tell my parents and uncles that I love them and won’t be seeing them for a very ling time”, he replied.
“I’m coming to you now baby, I love you.”
“I’m afraid I can’t baby bear. It’s ok. I know I have love you and I am glad that we love each other so dearly. Not seeing you now is better because I won’t be seeing you crying and I want you to be happy. I love you Siti Maryam.”
That time, I burst into tears and my cousins was puzzled.
“Please can you drive faster? My fiance is dying and I need to see him.” I said to them.

Mom woke me up before I could finish the dream.

To my dear Ameerul, please don’t you ever leave me that way. I am not ready. We have a lot of plans that involves our little ones, little apartment, our little family.


I wanna go wherever, whenever you wanna go wherever you wanna, I wanna go with you.

I love you Ameerul.

Lots of love,